One Anothering

In today's world we have a horrible tendency to form belief systems from partial readings of Scripture. We read Ephesians 5:22-33 and assume that the husband and wife have two very distinct roles when it comes to submission to one another. We say, since the wives are commanded to submit and the husbands to love, then the wife must naturally submit to her husband and serve Him as He loves and leads her. There are so many problems with this view I don't know where to begin.

How about I begin at verse 21 of that passage (the one we never join to the others). For whatever reason, we love the way our Bible separates passages with chapters and even the titles that are throughout the pages. Understand that titles are not inspired. Meaning, just because verse 22 begins as "Wives and Husbands" does not mean that verse 21 does not apply. It says "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Paul is giving this command to all Christians here. Submit to one another!

Besides, the man is supposed to lead and being a servant to those you lead is one of the most foundational aspects of leadership (and love for that matter) in Scripture. So the husband's role to love their wives is not all that distinct from the wives call to submit to their husbands.

Our society all too often has this picture of the wife as the servant and the husband as the bread-winner and decision maker. To some extent this is not wrong, but I do believe that a husband who never assists his wife in housework is not loving her as he should. If I am transparent, it is easy for me to do this. I'll come home and notice a couple things that could be done - clothes folded, dished washed, etc. and simply not do anything about it because 'those are Jenna's responsibilities.' But if I want to love her as Jesus loves His church, I will not relax and watch t.v. or read until I assist and serve her in any way that I can.

Spiritually speaking, this is huge as well. Husbands and wives should submit to one another. When a wife sees her husband not having the right attitude, she should approach him with that and he should listen to her and 'submit' to her in that way. The same goes for the wife. Whatever the struggle spiritually, there should always be an open line of communication where they listen and submit to one another "out of reverence for Christ." That last part is important - "For Christ."


Though Christ is the head of the church, He still serves the church because He loves her. Though the husband is the head of the wife, he should still serve her in whatever way he can. Stop distinguishing roles between each other. A man who refuses to get up and pour more ice-tea for himself because that's his wife's job is not loving her as he should. On the other hand, if a wife loves her husband enough to offer to do those things for him and tell him that he should relax and not help her, then the husband should praise the Lord for a good wife.

In any case, serve one another and submit to one another. This is not a call for wives only. This is a call for Christians.

Never Stop Dating

Okay, so I (Kenny) have just finished preparing for a Bible Study tonight on love. Looking at 1 Corinthians 13 can really hit you over the head if you actually study it. There's a phrase in there at verse 8 that says "Love never ends." If only we all could grasp that fact as husbands and men of God. Paul calls us in Ephesians 5 to "love your wives as Christ loved the church." THE ONLY WAY we are permitted to use that ever popular phrase "I just fell out of love with him/her" is if Jesus ever "falls out of love with His church! So how do you keep the fire burning? By keeping the fire burning.

Okay, so let me explain what I mean by that confusing statement. I really believe one of the main causes for divorce is a lack of effort to love. If love is a choice (and it is) then you have to keep choosing to love every day from now until you die. Love is lived way before it is felt. So lets flesh this out and look at some very practical ways of keeping that fire burning.

Look at the title of this post - "Never Stop Dating." Seriously, why in the world do we stop working for our spouse's attention once we get married, or even once we get engaged. Some even stop trying to work once they think they have the other person hooked. If your wife likes for your hair to be a certain way, then keep it that way until she doesn't like it anymore. If your husband loves for you to cook a fancy meal for him, then don't make him ask for it all the time.

Go out on dates where it's just the two of you again and make sure that you never become comfortable in the relationship. Always tell them how much you love them. You know how sickening it would be to have to read a high school couple's text messages? All you would see is: "I love you" "I love you more" "Well, I love you the most" and "I love you the mostest" blah blah. Are you past that stage? Why? Don't ever lose that sense of longing to see them. Don't ever not miss them when they aren't around.

This goes for couples dating too. Please don't misunderstand me; I am not telling you to act in a way that's out of your normal self, but I am telling you to work hard to make them happy every single day for the rest of your life. Those of you who are dating know how hard you have to work at a relationship to keep it going. Don't ever stop working! Make them the priority.

Let me get real personal and tell you that I struggle with this. I love Jenna more every single day that I know her, but I have difficulty with this. I become comfortable and unless I am intentional, I don't tell her I love her as much as I want to. Neither do I sacrifice to serve her because I just assume I don't need to anymore. I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to work to make sure our fire never goes out.


When we are old and gray (Lord willing) I want us to be just as excited to see each other as our first date. I want to be making sure I tell her I love her all the time. So let's never stop dating.