One Anothering

In today's world we have a horrible tendency to form belief systems from partial readings of Scripture. We read Ephesians 5:22-33 and assume that the husband and wife have two very distinct roles when it comes to submission to one another. We say, since the wives are commanded to submit and the husbands to love, then the wife must naturally submit to her husband and serve Him as He loves and leads her. There are so many problems with this view I don't know where to begin.

How about I begin at verse 21 of that passage (the one we never join to the others). For whatever reason, we love the way our Bible separates passages with chapters and even the titles that are throughout the pages. Understand that titles are not inspired. Meaning, just because verse 22 begins as "Wives and Husbands" does not mean that verse 21 does not apply. It says "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Paul is giving this command to all Christians here. Submit to one another!

Besides, the man is supposed to lead and being a servant to those you lead is one of the most foundational aspects of leadership (and love for that matter) in Scripture. So the husband's role to love their wives is not all that distinct from the wives call to submit to their husbands.

Our society all too often has this picture of the wife as the servant and the husband as the bread-winner and decision maker. To some extent this is not wrong, but I do believe that a husband who never assists his wife in housework is not loving her as he should. If I am transparent, it is easy for me to do this. I'll come home and notice a couple things that could be done - clothes folded, dished washed, etc. and simply not do anything about it because 'those are Jenna's responsibilities.' But if I want to love her as Jesus loves His church, I will not relax and watch t.v. or read until I assist and serve her in any way that I can.

Spiritually speaking, this is huge as well. Husbands and wives should submit to one another. When a wife sees her husband not having the right attitude, she should approach him with that and he should listen to her and 'submit' to her in that way. The same goes for the wife. Whatever the struggle spiritually, there should always be an open line of communication where they listen and submit to one another "out of reverence for Christ." That last part is important - "For Christ."


Though Christ is the head of the church, He still serves the church because He loves her. Though the husband is the head of the wife, he should still serve her in whatever way he can. Stop distinguishing roles between each other. A man who refuses to get up and pour more ice-tea for himself because that's his wife's job is not loving her as he should. On the other hand, if a wife loves her husband enough to offer to do those things for him and tell him that he should relax and not help her, then the husband should praise the Lord for a good wife.

In any case, serve one another and submit to one another. This is not a call for wives only. This is a call for Christians.

Never Stop Dating

Okay, so I (Kenny) have just finished preparing for a Bible Study tonight on love. Looking at 1 Corinthians 13 can really hit you over the head if you actually study it. There's a phrase in there at verse 8 that says "Love never ends." If only we all could grasp that fact as husbands and men of God. Paul calls us in Ephesians 5 to "love your wives as Christ loved the church." THE ONLY WAY we are permitted to use that ever popular phrase "I just fell out of love with him/her" is if Jesus ever "falls out of love with His church! So how do you keep the fire burning? By keeping the fire burning.

Okay, so let me explain what I mean by that confusing statement. I really believe one of the main causes for divorce is a lack of effort to love. If love is a choice (and it is) then you have to keep choosing to love every day from now until you die. Love is lived way before it is felt. So lets flesh this out and look at some very practical ways of keeping that fire burning.

Look at the title of this post - "Never Stop Dating." Seriously, why in the world do we stop working for our spouse's attention once we get married, or even once we get engaged. Some even stop trying to work once they think they have the other person hooked. If your wife likes for your hair to be a certain way, then keep it that way until she doesn't like it anymore. If your husband loves for you to cook a fancy meal for him, then don't make him ask for it all the time.

Go out on dates where it's just the two of you again and make sure that you never become comfortable in the relationship. Always tell them how much you love them. You know how sickening it would be to have to read a high school couple's text messages? All you would see is: "I love you" "I love you more" "Well, I love you the most" and "I love you the mostest" blah blah. Are you past that stage? Why? Don't ever lose that sense of longing to see them. Don't ever not miss them when they aren't around.

This goes for couples dating too. Please don't misunderstand me; I am not telling you to act in a way that's out of your normal self, but I am telling you to work hard to make them happy every single day for the rest of your life. Those of you who are dating know how hard you have to work at a relationship to keep it going. Don't ever stop working! Make them the priority.

Let me get real personal and tell you that I struggle with this. I love Jenna more every single day that I know her, but I have difficulty with this. I become comfortable and unless I am intentional, I don't tell her I love her as much as I want to. Neither do I sacrifice to serve her because I just assume I don't need to anymore. I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to work to make sure our fire never goes out.


When we are old and gray (Lord willing) I want us to be just as excited to see each other as our first date. I want to be making sure I tell her I love her all the time. So let's never stop dating.

Why Marriage?

Today's culture seems to be more and more opposed to marriage. Our culture of 'hook-ups' and 'one-night stands' have completely ruined the way that people should view marriage, especially Christians. Too many people believe that marriage is just a waste of time. The worst consequence of this type of thinking is the way that people have butchered sex. Teenagers who are virgins are hard to find because there are few of them and the ones that are left are ashamed to admit it for the most part. Everyone wants to take their partner for a 'test-drive' before deciding if they want to get married. But that's for another post. Let's focus on the importance of marriage.

In Ephesians 5, Paul takes a look at the roles of husbands and wives in the marriage relationship and at the end of this passage in verse 32 he says this in relation to marriage: "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." Anyone know what Paul is trying to say? He is showing us that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church! If you think about the implications of that it will completely blow your mind and change the way you view marriage.

The ultimate goal of marriage is not to love your partner "til death do you part." The ultimate goal of marriage is to mirror Christ's relationship to the church. Husbands: when Paul said to "love your wives as Christ loves the church" it is not just an example to try to live by, it's a command! Wives: Paul tells you to "submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." it's a command. Husbands should love their wives with the same sacrificial, unconditional love that Christ has for His church, and that will lead to a wife who submits joyfully as the church does to Christ.

What a privilege we as imperfect people have to marry another imperfect person and in so doing, we reflect the relationship between Christ and His church! That is why divorce is not an option. Husbands, when Christ stops loving the church, you can stop loving your wives. Same goes for the ladies.

Single people: marriage is a bigger decision than you realize. This is why I said before that it is the most important decision of your life next to salvation. Make sure you know that God is calling you to marriage. If you think you know, then you don't know. Trust me, you will know when God is telling you to embark on this journey.

There is so much more to say about this topic but I wanted to just simply whet your appetite. If you want to really understand this truth, read a book! Yeah that thing with a cover and pages. Actually, read "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. Seriously, it is a must read for all Christians, married or single.


Anyways, I hope this helps and I hope you cant understand through all my rambling and scattered thoughts.

When To Say "I Do"

One of the most popular questions I get asked is "how did you know Jenna was the one?" I have many answers to this question and the first answer, you will not like. Right from the start, our motto was "when you know, you know." Even Meagan, Jenna's maid of honor, said that about us at our wedding reception. For most people it seems to happen that way, and some people take longer to figure it out than others. I've known couples to date for as many as ten years and as little as three months before getting married. I can't really explain it and I haven't found one single person who can, but when you know, you know.

There will be some cases though that it doesn't happen in a moment. For me, whether you think I'm crazy or not, I knew I was going to marry Jenna from our very first date. Please do not expect that to happen for you, or think that something is wrong with you if it doesn't. This is very much a God-thing. He is the one calling the shots on the lives of His children and if you trust Him, He will direct your path.

Another answer I would give relates to my first post when I said love is a choice. I would say that it isn't wise to "trust your instincts" when it comes to marriage. Jeremiah tells us that our hearts are deceitfully wicked. Don't follow your heart because as my theology professor Dr. Wicks taught: "Your heart only wants to kill you." Seriously, seek the Lord earnestly about your future spouse whether you're single, dating or even engaged. This is supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, so make it count. Decide that you will be able to love this person for the rest of your life even when you don't feel like it.

It might even help for you to sit down and weigh out your pro's and con's of the relationship. Really sit down and think about the good, bad and ugly of your relationship with your significant other and decide if it would be wise to get married. Common sense is often a key factor in getting married. There are many situations where two people know they want to get married but the timing is not right. That's where this method comes in handy.

Think about it. If you have $5 in your bank account and right now you live paycheck to paycheck, it probably isn't a good idea to add your $5 to her $5 and say you'll live on love and faith. God wants us to trust Him, but He also gave us a brain so we can use it.

Those are just a few thoughts on this subject so that I could keep it short. Trust me, I really could talk about this forever. So if you want to talk about it more, come talk to me or Jenna in person. We really would love to talk to you about it. But remember that marriage, next to salvation is the most important decision you will ever make, so don't just wing it. Don't just trust your feelings because they will deceive you. Pray hard and I'm telling you that when God reveals to you who and when to get married, you'll know without a doubt. Stay in the Word and in communication with Him. It will all be in His time.

And So It Begins...

Well it's official - we're hitched! Yes, on January 5th of 2013, I married the love of my life and my best friend (those both refer to the same person, I did not marry two people). Her name as most of you know is Jenna McCorv...I mean Roberts. And honestly, I could not be happier. Okay, I know we have only been married a little over two weeks but that's a part of 50 years. In all seriousness though every single day, God has been showing me another reason why this is His plan and His work.

This blog is going to be designed for two main reasons: 1) To document our journey in such a way that married couples will benefit. We are going to be talking about the good and the bad on here. Never in such a way that we reveal our personal lives or in such a way as to shed Jenna or I in a bad light. This will be a very positive outlook on some of the things we go through. We will try our best to present it in such a way that other married couples can learn from it and also help us to learn from them through interactions and comments.

2) This is also a place for SINGLE people. I know that sounds weird, but single people can very much benefit from a blog on marriage. It will prepare you way ahead of time for your future marriage and there will be some things on here that you can learn from outside of marriage as well. So please don't disregard this blog if you are single.

I (Kenny) will probably be doing most of the writing on this blog, but I am going to try to get Jenna on here at some points. Even if she never writes anything, her thoughts (with her permission first of course) will be reflected just as much as mine on here. I will do my very best to balance this blog so that men and women equally benefit from it.

The main purpose of this first post was to show you what this blog is going to be about, but let me at least give you one thought before I wrap this up. One of the biggest things that I have learned so far through all the marriage counseling, engagement period and first two weeks of marriage is that love is a choice. If you are dating someone, or even newly married, you will probably have this bubbly feeling whenever you're around your significant other (especially the girls). But love is not that feeling. That feeling is conditional, but love should be unconditional.

There will be many times when you really don't feel like loving the other person. I have not felt this way yet even in the slightest, but I know the times will come and so does Jenna. However, when those times do come, you must remember (if you're married) that you made a covenant with your spouse to love them no matter what.

One final thought: Jenna and I were given a really cool idea concerning our marriage vows that we implemented into our ceremony. We wrote out our vows on a huge, blank picture frame and had everybody who wanted to, sign that frame. This was kind of a cool way to prove that we meant these vows because all of these people signed their names saying they would hold us accountable to these vows no matter what. Just something to think about whether you're married or single. Remember that love is a choice.